Loss of dignity

When I began writing, it was as a teenager and all about the stories in my head. There were a lot of them that never ended up as words on paper. Some I can still remember even if I don't see the expansion of the idea into a book length manuscript. There have been countless dreams that I thought might make a book. I would read of something that happened in the world, and often the germ of an idea would come to me for a story.

Or I'd travel somewhere and think-- that'd be a good place to base a story. There are so many places I love in the West that it's easy to do that. The fun of the story would be its combination with those mountains, that river, or a city I know well.

It really was all about me. I am not saying I never thought would a reader like this or that, but it wasn't the emphasis. The emphasis was the stories that came to me and could I use them for more than a germ of an idea?

When I put the first books onto Kindle, the dynamic began to change. I am not sure if that will prove to be a permanent shift, but it certainly has added a new dimension. Now it's also questioning what is it that readers want? How could I promote my book ? Can I deliver what others enjoy reading, or is it just not in me?

I read someone's comment in one of the Kindle Forum topics as to how he was going out of Select; so he wouldn't be coming to the Forums anymore. He felt he had sold his soul (figuratively speaking) in trying to put up shameless plugs (what they call them there) for his book of poetry. His poetry still had its dignity but he wasn't feeling that he did.

When I read that, I smiled as I could relate to how he felt. I go into various forums to read the posts and see the same writers and same books with the same blurbs. Does it work? Does a person reach a point of going beyond what you created to question why it isn't meeting the needs of others? And what can fix that? How can you get the people, who might like your work, to even try it?

I haven't posted a lot of what some call spam simply because I can't see how it would help; but if I thought it would, would I? I began to keep a notebook of when I did post something and then noted whether sales related to that. So far as I can tell, they never did.  At a certain point, I can see how, instead of selling your own vision, you find yourself wondering what vision would sell?

Generally speaking when I look at what is apparently selling, I don't like it. It doesn't touch me. Sometimes it out and out feels disgusting. One book I started to read, got me so revolted that I skipped to the end where I felt it ended ridiculously, and deleted the thing from my Kindle.

I can still enjoy a well-written romance especially set in a place I love. But I also know that nothing I am going to read will really be new. It's all been said before and even the most popular book out there today has been told with different elements in different places but plot line such that I usually know about where it's going and what will come next. I recognize authors get desperate for finding something new as once in awhile I have seen something that makes me laugh as I can almost feel the author's reasoning-- let them say they read that before! Well there is a reason the reader hadn't, it's ridiculous.

Now that doesn't mean I think my own stories are great works of art. They are what they are and I don't think we can always assess what our own work is. It's like doing that where it comes to our children. They are beloved by us and that's where it's hard to go beyond it.

You couldn't decide you wanted a baby, set out a list of criteria of required qualities what would make that child successful in the world. You take the child as they come to you and hope you can help them develop their own identity, to be all they can be. When I was pregnant with my first child, it's what I wrote in the journal I kept. Same with the second. Help them be all they could be.

It's all I want for my books. Help them be all they can be. Develop the craft to get them to that point. It is extremely rewarding to do that-- until comes that next stage and it's where the problems start-- when you try to sell it to someone else. It's easy to get to the point that you wonder-- what could I write or use for a cover that would be more marketable?

Would it help to buy one of those Jimmy Thomas photos? I've actually read reviews that mentioned how hot the cover was as a factor in the purchase. Really? (Once you know who he is, you see him everywhere on romance covers.) Well, to be honest, a cover is just a taste of the book. I could change that to something more appealing to the potential buyers; and if it takes that, I could do it. Have I just sold out?

Marketing is where the loss of dignity seems at risk of setting in-- and probably not just in getting a book sold. It's where the fun of writing ends-- or is it just a new challenge, a recognition of what it takes?  I don't honestly know, but it's as much a factor in what I am thinking right now as writing and editing. It takes a lot to decide what is selling out and what is facing reality.