Descriptions for heat levels in book list

------holding hands, perhaps a gentle kiss
♥♥ ---- more kisses but no tongue-- no foreplay
♥♥♥ ---kissing, tongue, caressing, foreplay & pillow talk
♥♥♥♥ --all of above, full sexual experience including climax
♥♥♥♥♥ -all of above including coarser language and sex more frequent

Thursday, January 31, 2013

nighttime dreams

 digital painting based on photos

For me, dreams can lead to books or give insights to life. The dream I had the other night would make a good short story, I think (with all on my plate, I won't be the one writing it). Mostly I think my dreams relate to my daily life and when I think about them a bit, I can see how. The following is the recent one.

The boy was exceedingly handsome and a senior in high school. He was developing himself into the person he was yet to be. He had a problem. He was gay, and he lived in a world that didn't accept that as a valid lifestyle. He hadn't acted out on what he knew he was, but he saw it as an issue in his life.

Pizzas seemed to be part of this dream off and on with various toppings and ordered from different places as he or other characters would order and eat one.

The young man had a mentor who was as handsome as he. This man knew of the boy's true nature. I think he also was gay. The youth talked to him about what he saw. He felt that he could hide who he was and never know love. The man said that's not true. He could live secretly and have many lovers, both men and women, but what he would never know is one true love. However, if he revealed his true self, he might still not find that one true love and he would pay a high price in his community.

The day came when the youth learned he was Valedictorian of his school. A very attractive young woman was Salutatorian and she and he sat on some chairs as they were being told how the ceremony would go when they graduated. The mentor stood not far from the boy, and I would assume he was telling him without words to hide his nature and live life as fully as possible while part of who he was would remain hidden from most of the world. He would sacrifice one thing for another. 

When the dream ended, the young man had made his decision and his Valedictorian speech would reveal it. The answer wasn't given in the dream, but I felt that he would stand up, throw out the approved speech and tell the audience that he was gay and why it mattered that he speak his truth. Although I never saw him do it, I felt I saw into his heart for his intention.

When I was awake and thinking about what this meant, I saw it as applying to my life and to us all. We can live the truth that satisfies everybody around us. We can be who they want and while it might not be as extreme as sexual gender, it could be lifestyle, career, how we dress, our religion or a multitude of things. We all have had that choice from youth, but we have it now today no matter what our age. 

Do we want to live our truth openly when it might upset those around us? Will we be rewarded by revealing ourselves? I do not think we always are, and definitely speaking our truth isn't always appreciated. It isn't easy either as whatever the real us might be, it often isn't what culture, family or friends want it to be.

I wouldn't say the dream revealed what should be done either as this boy did have a choice. He could live either way-- but one way was truer to his nature than the other. One had the potential for a fuller life. But there were no guarantees of that. The guarantee was that he could live true to himself or live out a lie. It was his choice. It is the one we all make-- most likely many times in a lifetime.

 Tarot card is from my Gilded Tarot deck...yes, I have more than one such deck-- and yes, I sometimes do readings from them :)