I wrote back that I'd have a problem deciding how I could rate mine even if I could think of a rating system. One of my books got a review in a book review blog. I only stumbled across it by doing a name search to see what was out there in mine. She gave that book a 2 star in passion. Since a 5 star is tops where it comes to rating a book, I am guessing she was saying that while there was some passion, it wasn't that much. I am not sure if that was her meaning-- other than if someone wants zero sex, they don't want my books. On the other hand, if they are looking for erotica, they don't either.
If I used the ratings like for films, it wouldn't get much easier. I would definitely not say my books are PG but then would they be PG-13? When my granddaughter asked if she would be able to read them, I said not for some years. It wasn't just about the sex though. It's about grown-up attitudes toward romance. I don't really want her thinking soul-mates at her age.
When I think about an R rating, I am not sure my books are sexy enough for an R. I have read a lot of romance books where a sexual encounter can go on for pages, sometimes 20 or more. Mine are more about the leading up than the actual doing as I am not into reading or writing blow by blow descriptions. But on the other hand, they don't fade out before the big event either (and there will be at least one big event somewhere along the way).
I am still thinking how sexuality can be handled in the blurbs for the books. I am comfortable with the level I use in the actual books-- and I did think about it. My belief is that healthy sexuality is good for adults. I think it's fun to write and seems rewarding for the characters and me. And I am about a full experience for those characters as well as the person who will pick up the book.
In my own reading, I don't mind sex in a book, but I wouldn't buy one for it either. One writer I've read over the years used the term blush for the level of sex in her books. Well I agree she has sex and it's described, sometimes step by step, but blushing? I don't know what it would take to get me to blush regarding sex in a book.
If a writer puts in more sex than interests me (and for me it's not about offensive, it's about boring), I skip over it. In some books I have read, that can mean I get a short story rather than a full novel.
IF I make a mistake and get a book with what I feel is a perversion of sex, I throw that one out rather than trade it back in. I wouldn't put a nasty review on that author's page, but I sure wouldn't buy another book by them either. The only kind of sexuality I am interested in reading or writing is healthy relationships between two people.
In my case that means male and female, not because I consider the other unhealthy but because I don't know much about it. I try to stick to what I do know something about from my own experiences. I have had gay characters, but they are always secondary-- i.e. friend of hero or heroine.
An idea for a book has rolled around in my head for awhile. It came to me in a set of two of my movie type dreams that came a couple of weeks apart. In the first dream the hero has been in a long time relationship with another man-- basically his life mate. He and the heroine are forced to go on the run from a criminal element and in spending so much time together, they fall in love.
In the dream, he might have known he was bisexual before this, but she was totally surprised as she may have been attracted to him but didn't let herself imagine it could be anything. In the first of the dreams, they didn't pursue it once they escaped from whatever they were trying to flee. Although it appeared that his partner was sick and when he died, maybe as much as five years later, they would seek each other out.
In the second dream about these same people, his primary relationship turned out to be with a crime boss-- meaning he had been betrayed by his long-time partner thereby not only proving dangerous, but also giving him a legitimate reason to go to her. If I had ever tried to fully develop this idea, I would not have written about his same sex experiences but only the new one with the woman. (The dream didn't reveal either as I have to admit here, I don't dream about sex. I am more of a dream right up to it and fade to black kind of dreamer.)
Usually when you do see a movie or read a book about three people in this kind of triangle, it's from the other end where the man and woman have been in a long time relationship and then one of them recognizes their true sexuality is to be gay.
I haven't tried to develop this idea not because I think readers would not go for it (who knows on that). I don't write based on whether I think an idea would be popular with readers. Instead my hesitation was because I thought it might be offensive to gay people where I have read that many don't think there is such a thing as bi-sexuality. Gays are fighting for respect on so many levels now that I would hate to write something offensive or implying people can change their gender at will. I don't believe that but what I do think is some are gay, some are straight, and some can go between, but what do I know about it. Hence it has seemed wiser to leave this idea on the discard pile where a lot of other ideas for books end up.
Well, that was kind of a distraction to my main topic which was to try and figure out some kind of sexuality rating for my own books that alerts readers to avoid them if they are opposed to sex in a book-- married/committed or not. I know one thing-- they aren't sweet and they aren't Christian. But what they aren't doesn't say what they are.
